Stop 9 – Winterset, Iowa
Distance from previous location: 1,004 miles
Total distance traveled (on purpose): 10,606 miles
Minions, I need to vent.
I’m in Iowa.
Winterset, Iowa, to be exact, and I’m here because it’s the home of John Wayne. We were about 2 days (or 13 John Wayne movies) into our trip to New York (to watch a Triple Crown winner next week) when suddenly I had this unrelenting urge to visit the birthplace of my new idol “The Duke.” So, we decided to make a quick side trip Iowa.
I was even more excited when I found this shirt. The only thing better than John Wayne’s home state is a state full of only extremely attractive people. As we got close, I began practicing my model face and moves, though, let’s be honest, I am the turtle version of Mr. Universe so there isn’t a whole lot on which I need to improve.
Then we got to Iowa. . .
I have never been so disappointed in my entire life. I mean, there are a ton of attractive Iowans, but I was under the impression that EVERYONE would look like glamorous movie stars. Instead, I’ll have to keep searching for a place where I’d live with only the coolest, best lookin’ folks. But for dashing my hopes, I hate you, Iowa. If hate were people, I’d be China.
Anyway, so hatred boredom had me stumbling like a crazy person and I’m here to cure your Friday afternoon Facebook stalking with my own assemblage of awesome animal things. You’re welcome. I hope you gain laughter from the fruits of my pain and suffering.
You’re jealous your offspring aren’t this cool.