Sheldon’s Fun-day Friday

Stop 3 – Miami, Florida

Distance from previous location: 1,396

Total distance traveled: 4,103

Be jealous, minions.  I’m here in the Sunshine state!  Soaking up rays, visiting family, and trying to find the infamous Chad (all I know about him is that he hangs out a lot).

I know last week I said I was going to DisneyWorld, but when I hit Little Rock, AR, I picked up a couple of UALR students heading to Florida for spring break, and, frankly, their destination was more enticing than the land of bacteria-ridden children and $11 bottles of water.  Plus, we discovered that we shared the same awesome taste in music, so I took the long way down to Miami to enjoy the beach.  I’ve had a great time down here, enjoying the sun, sand and oranges. But after my day trip yesterday I’ve decided it’s time to head back up north because the crazies are crazier in Florida.

Enter Monkey Jungle.  At first, I was all on board. . .I mean, they say “caged humans” and that’s intriguing enough for me.  I’m all for caged humans, especially when I’m normally the one stuck in some smelly glass box while people peer at me like some circus freakshow.  If we could go back to the side show days, I would spend my entire life traveling from attraction to attraction to see what humans they each had to offer.  Can you imagine a person stuck in a cage with no internetz or cell phone?  That alone would be the worth the price admission.

But I digress.  Back to the monkeys, before we start some weird social movement.   (Occupy Cages!)

First, Monkey Jungle has squirrel monkeys, AKA large squirrels with brains.  We all know I hate squirrels, but giant smart squirrels are just scary.  Second, monkeys are just plain ol’ mean.  Finally, and most importantly, they’re simply gross. They are allowed to roam free (okay, I might be a tad jealous) and climb all over top the people. Sounds cute, right?


Not cute at all! That is not an attractive view. Monkeys have horrible manners and they throw bowls at poor unsuspecting turtles!  It took me 2 beach days to get over that trauma. Just cage the monkeys. Or at least teach them etiquette.

Uh oh, my Monkey Jungle PTSD is kicking in again, so I’d best be heading back to the beach and enjoying my drink with the pink umbrella.  I’m kinda bummed that I missed out on some of the cool rides at Mickey’s Dungeon, so tonight I’m gonna crack open my atlas, fire up Google and find a place that’ll be more conducive for famous reptiles.