Today, I am here to set the record straight. Unlike bears, celebrity children (I’m looking at you Suri), and those squirrels, Tortoises do NOT hibernate. That’s right; we use winter to do a multitude of things with a fire burning in our heart.
Like redecorate our condos, train for marathon digging to another continent and cross country skiing to the Dean’s office, all while being humiliated by our parents.
Think about what would happen if people (and tortoises) hibernated — We would miss SO many important life events. Like the birth of Blue Ivy, the release of that movie where a small child gets into trouble in the big city, and the news that Lindsay Lohan is going to pull herself out of jail long enough to play Elizabeth Taylor. (Okay, so maybe we’d be better off sleeping through that last one.)
That being said, I acknowledge that the BEST thing to come out of not hibernating is this video, which would not be possible if we decided to simply shut down for half the year. I got so inspired by those clips, I ended up starring in a commercial. Don’t hate.