First of all, Beyonce had a baby and named it Color Plant. I was voting for something better like “Baby Almost As Awesome As Sheldon.” Even though I was disappointed that my preference wasn’t selected, it still wasn’t far off from her real name. Obviously, I sent a bouquet of orange slices and hope to god this child isn’t tone deaf. Since this is ALL I’ve heard about for days, I’ve realized that diva status is something I should strive to accomplish, especially since it seems you can get there without a whole lotta talent.
I’m revising my stance on New Year’s resolutions for this very reason. I want to hit mega star status by the end of the world (aka this year). I don’t know why I haven’t come up with this before. Mega star status would mean more minions, trips to tropical islands, the ability to demand any kind of fruit I want and to name each of my future hatchings after my favorite fruits.
Second on my list of resolutions/goals is the capability to move weather patterns. According to my office weather guru, A. Dinero, snow tends to just fall in tons on certain parts of the Federal Hill area, and WAY more than anywhere in the ‘burbs, regardless of how far out you go. I was a bit skeptical, so I looked up the annual snowfall totals of various local areas, and, wouldncha know, Mr. Dinero might be onto something:
I’m not really buying it, but, even if Mr. Dinero is even slightly correct in his data collection, it still wouldn’t hurt to investigate the ways that I could ensure the ability to push any problematic weather systems to places that are in dire need of winter precipitation, like Carroll County. Not only would that TOTALLY move me into Diva status, but, 10 years from now, your kids would be going to school with an awful lot of children named Sheldon.