T’was two weeks before Christmas and all through ORA, every creature was stirring because it is apparently socially acceptable to DRESS UP EVERY ANIMAL IN SIGHT.
I have noticed that the holidays tend to make people crazy. No, I’m not talking about those people who trample each other over some dancing Elmo that causes migraines, or a Bratz doll that causes questionable morals and a desire to be on Toddlers And Tiaras. Those people were already crazy.
But normal people go cray-cray the second it is socially acceptable to play Christmas music, and they blame it on some Holiday Spirit. (Personally, I blame the quality of some of said Christmas music.) I looked it up on line, and while spiked Eggnog can bring out chemical imbalances on occasion, I didn’t see any types of booze that would result in a month of going off the deep end. I’m concerned!
One of the side effects of this mythical Spirit is apparently that some folks, who on any normal day would judge anyone who put a tutu or coat on a dog, suddenly are lining up at PetSmart to take a picture of their wittle Mr. Bojangles wearing a sweater that would make Zack Morris proud and sitting on the lap of one S. Claus, all so that they have a “cute” insert for their holiday cards.
So, one day here at the office, I finally reached my breaking point and snarked that the woman with jingle bell earrings was oblivious as to how deranged everyone thought she was for treating her pet like the grandchild she still doesn’t have.
And then it happened.
There was a murmur and an AWWW and some mouse clicks. And now, thanks to my big mouth, I am the next victim, as a Christmas outfit is now apparently in my future. My office minions have now joined the masses – They are holiday crazed, and my lack of Holiday Spirit is of major concern. So, they clicked away, and now my escape plans are expedited to ensure I’m not subjected to the humiliation that many of my brethren have been unable to escape. I’ve commandeered a spoon, and I’ve started digging to Africa. (NOT China, they eat turtles!)
While I work on my escape, please consider a donation to my Foundation: Turtles Against Holiday Outfits (TAHO) and look of the faces of others we could save. I’ll even provide the appropriate background music.